Jezebels, I used to post here a long, long time ago (think years). But now, for the most part, I just lurk. But I need advice and I can't talk to any of my friends about this and maybe y'all could help me out with this? Please?
Here's the sitch:
I'm married! A newlywed, actually! And the other day, my hubs and I were gathering up documentation to send to our immigration lawyer (I'm a citizen; he's not*) for the filing of ALL OF THE FORMS. We were both using his computer (and I was NOT snooping), and I prepared to email some of the forms to our lawyer, so I opened up IE and went to gmail. And there was an email account I didn't recognize (my husband doesn't even usually use IE; he's a Firefox guy) that was coming up as the main account.
I dunno, the email was so cheesy and I sort of laughed out loud and called out, "who is _____" and then followed up with "oh man, are you spending your time trolling 4chan or something while I'm at work all day? I'm gonna google you!" And before he could come walking out of the kitchen, I had, and the only result that had come up . . . was a dating website for married people.**
So, obviously, I flipped my fucking shit, because what the actual fuck. He says that he's never met anyone off of the site (he actually had been on three of them), and that he never even really messaged anyone more than once or twice - that it was a masturbatory fantasy thing, the idea that random strangers would find him attractive. That he just wanted the chance to flirt with strangers. I asked him when he started it, and he said he'd been doing it for about the past 5 months, and that he honestly didn't see it as cheating. He's sworn that he has never, would never, could never have "a sexual or an emotional relationship" with anyone else, that he'd never dream of it.
We had some pretty long talks, in which I told him that I found him being on dating websites to be, you know, unacceptable, and that I didn't know how to trust him now, etc. But I guess my question is . . . am I stupid to believe him when he says that nothing else happened? I'll be honest; this completely threw me for a loop; I would NEVER have imagined he'd do something like this. We've been together for 4+ years, and while all of that (until a few months ago) was a LDR, like, I never, ever felt that either he or I were living "separate" lives. I never felt like I couldn't trust him, or like he was running around on me. And now I just don't know what to think.
* This isn't one of those situations where he's marrying me for a green card or to escape his own country. His country is cooler than mine.
** Dating websites for married people can go suck a bag of dicks and die